I’ve been thinking something in my head (that’s why they call it thinking you know) and have been hesitant to put it down in green and white (the official colors of this blog) but it’s all I can think about so here goes:

TO BE READ IN A NON-HISTRIONIC, NON-TEMPER-TANTRUM, NON-FOOT-STOMPING MANNER, PLEASE:

Why can’t I have the job I want? Why can’t I? Why do I keep applying and interviewing for jobs I don’t even want? I mean, I know why: because we need money and I need to work and times are tough right now. But I mean in a bigger picture kind of way, WHY CAN’T I GET A JOB IN MY FIELD AND WORK HARD AND MAKE MONEY? That’s all I want. I don’t expect or want a job I’m not qualified for. I’m not asking to be a super model or a physicist. In my mid-30s I finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up, so recession-blemession,

WHY CAN’T I HAVE THE JOB I WANT?

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I had a second interview scheduled today at 10:00 a.m. I left my house around 8:30 a.m. and sat in my car waiting for my car defrosters to do their thing. As I was sitting in my car outside of my house, I realized I had forgotten my GPS so I ran back in to get it.

I saw that my gas was getting low and if you have been a frequent visitor to this blog you know I have a little game I like to play with my gas gauge that is, quite simply, “E = Enough”.

However, today I was not in a game-playing mood so I went to a grocery store about 5 minutes away to get money from their ATM since I only had $1 in my wallet. I realized, though, that I did not have my ATM card. And now the fiasco begins.

I had bought a new wallet a few weeks ago and took it for a test spin over the holiday weekend. What this means is I put everything in the new wallet, but left the price tags on a la Minnie Pearl and kept it in my purse. Last night I decided this new wallet was not for me and put everything back into the old wallet.

Last Friday I went to the grocery store for bread and milk (how Pennsylvanian-it’s-gonna-snow of me) and didn’t want to take my purse in so I just took my ATM card in my jacket pocket. That was the last time I remember seeing it as I was frantically backtracking in my mind.

I drove the 5 minutes back home and raced into the house. I was trying to be calm and was doing a pretty good job but all I could hear were the clocks in the house tick-ticking away. I checked the “new” wallet and it was empty. I checked the jacket pocket I had been wearing Friday. I checked our plastic bag drawer and by “checked” I mean I took each one out and squeezed the I-DON’T-HAVE-TIME-FOR-THIS out of each bag. No ATM card.

I ran upstairs (14 stairs) and looked in our office and bedroom. I didn’t expect to find it there but you never know. No ATM card.

I headed back downstairs. I called my husband and told him the situation and try to do it in a not MY-WIFE-IS-CRAZY kind of way. He makes some suggestions but of course nothing he said was gonna to appease me because I was being crazy even though I really tried not to be. I told him I would figure something out.

He had suggested that I go go to our bank and fill out a withdrawal slip but I just didn’t think I had the time to do that and get to my interview. I still had to stop for gas if I can figure out a way to get some money. But I have no choice, really, so I go back to the original grocery store and go inside because they have our bank inside. It was a few minutes before 9:00 a.m. and not only was the place dark, it was deserted. I left.

My husband called as I was walking out of the grocery store and reminded me that I had a credit card in my wallet. This may seem strange, but we have not been using credit cards while I’ve been out of work, so I don’t even think about them. I managed to drive across the grocery store parking lot, where a gas station is, and get gas using my credit card.

NOW I can go to my interview. As I’m driving I think that I want to call the grocery store from Friday to see if anyone found my ATM card. While at a traffic light (sorry Oprah) I go on the internet to get the phone number. As I get to the grocery store’s home page, my BlackBerry shuts itself down. In a few seconds it began to boot itself back up. When it was fully rebooted, I had “LOW BATTERY” in bright red letters at the top of my screen and the light that usually blinks red when you have a message was on steady like a laser. I charge my BlackBerry every night while I’m sleeping and lately this has been happening so either there’s something wrong with the charger, the outlet I use or the battery itself. I plugged the BlackBerry into my car charger and head towards the interview.

I arrive in time, do my final primping, and head inside. It went well, I think, and I am proud to say I put my morning troubles behind and was able to focus on the interview. I will say though that even though I felt calm, I had dry mouth like I’ve never experienced before. My top lip kept sticking to my teeth, I kept swallowing to generate some type of moisture, I even licked my lips several times. They had offered me water before we got started and I am glad I said no because I probably would have been downing glass after glass like some kind of lunatic.

When I arrived home I slid my driver’s seat back and there, under my seat, was my ATM card. I came inside and headed right to the kitchen for something one would drink in Civil War times to have a leg amputated. And the picture above is what I saw. My “bag drawer”. One look and you understand my morning.

Did I get the job? Dunno. Sure feels like I ought to.

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When I woke up this morning I stayed in bed and took some time to give thanks for the many blessings in my life. My husband, my Mom, my friends (and I named them one by one), the rest of my family, my health, my home, my books, my gadgets and technology (we live in an AMAZING time).

And I thanked the Lord for this blog and those who read it. Being unemployed makes me a statistic, but having this blog and a place to unleash all the frustration and ridiculousness of the job search has saved me from being another statistic — someone who completely falls apart in this tough economy.

So thank you for taking time out of your life to visit. I wish you a wonderful day surrounded by those you are thankful for.

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I’ve been doing some day-before-Thanksgiving cooking today and just sat down to do some computer chores. I am tired and smell like fried bread (from the filling or stuffing depending where you are from).

My friend and I were saying today that mentally we both feel like it’s still summer even though the calendar tells us we are wrong. The fact that I just prepped a turkey for its big day tomorrow is inconceivable to me and yet it’s happening and both the turkey and I need to get ready.

Time marches on, Friends, whether we are ready or not. You can run, you can hide, but sooner rather than later you’ve got to face the roasting pan.

Hi, my name is Sister Rain and today is November 24th, not June or July 24th. See? I can walk the walk and not just talk the talk. But has anybody seen my flip flops?

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After I published yesterday’s blog entry I received an email from the recruiter asking about my availability early next week for a SECOND INTERVIEW! Yippee! So I am going Monday morning.

I asked the recruiter if he had received any feedback about me from the first interview and he replied that they thought it went very well and that they liked my personality.

I wondered if this is when a person of the opposite sex describes you as having a “good personality”? When what they mean is you are not physically attractive. When they might also call you a “Two Bagger” meaning not only do you put a bag over your head when you’re out on a date, but your date does too! Putting this in the context of the job search, does this mean your skills are sub-par but they like you as a person?

I’m sure, or at least I’m as sure as I can be about anything in the job search, that they would not have me come back in just to have a social chat or play cards or talk pop culture. They are bringing me back because I have the job skills and people skills they are looking for.

I think. I hope. I pray. But just in case, I’ll take my latest People magazine and “Old Maid”.

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Isn’t it funny how the the things that drive us most crazy about others are the things we often don’t recognize in ourselves? I follow several blogs and it makes me crazier than I already am that they don’t update the blogs daily. And here I am, not having updated since last Wednesday. It’s now Monday.

I’ve been unpurposely purposely been keeping very busy and trying hard not to think about the job and interview I had for it last Monday. How I should have heard something by now from the recruiter. How they were doing first round interviews last week and second round this week, although I had my doubts about round 2 being this week with the holiday and all.

Sitting down and writing a blog entry would have forced me to think about the job search and this particular job. But I have vowed to share it all with you and so there it is, this gaping, oozing job search wound. Why haven’t they called? I felt it went so well and I was there for an hour which the recruiter thought was a GREAT sign. I sent the requisite thank you letter. I really thought they felt they couldn’t live without me.

Now that I’ve aired it out with you, I’m going to put the band aid back on. I’ll still feel it pull and throb as I go about my chores today and sometimes it’ll be all I can think about. OK, most of the time.

I’ll keep you posted. I promise.

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I cannot stress enough the importance in going through clothes’ pockets before throwing them in the washer. Not to look for your spouse’s receipts of an afternoon delight, but to make sure all the tissues are out of the pockets.

Not doing so could result in disaster.

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Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat,
Please to put a penny,
In Sister Rain’s hat.

I am so sick and tired of thinking and worrying about money.

Can I get an “Amen!”?

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I had an interview today with a company that was arranged by a recruiter. I was in the interview for an hour and I think it went really well. But I have rarely left an interview feeling like it didn’t go well, so I can’t rely on my gut in these instances. As with most things, only time will tell.

I can’t help but feel excited — at least as excited as I let myself be which is a mighty pared-down version of what ‘excited’ usually looks like in my world — because it seemed to have gone so well and I think the job and the company would be a really good match for my background and interests. I sent a thank you letter and have talked to the recruiter so now it’s all in their hands and the great Recruiter in the sky.

I will put it out of my mind as best that I can. I just did the job search so I’m forging ahead like it’s any other day, except for the suit and heels I just put away. If I’ve got to wait this out, I’m doing it in sweats.

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I have become a fatalist and it’s all based around the issue of money. If we have a leaky faucet I am convinced that we need all new plumbing in our house. If the refrigerator makes a new noise I just know it needs to be replaced. Yesterday, I reached an all-time high. Or low.

This is probably going to sound strange, but I rarely see my husband’s car. One of us parks in the garage behind our house and the other out front. When we go somewhere together, we take my car. Yesterday, however, I pulled up behind him out front and noticed this round hole in his back taillight. I went in the house and asked him if his back taillight had been shot out; that it looked like a bullet hole. I questioned this because he knows I’ve become a fatalist and I’m sure he keeps things from me because of it.

He said he didn’t know and he looked genuine and then he raced outside to see for himself. I stood on the porch and heard these words:

“It’s where my key goes to open the trunk.”

Oh. My bad.

I guess a bullet would have shattered the entire taillight. I guess I was being stupid. And expecting the worst. Which could be considered stupid too.

I need a new attitude. Or a good psychiatrist. What I need is a job.

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