They don’t know what caused my optic neuritis even though I was tested for every malady the doctors have ever heard of. It’s nice to know that other than severe visual impairment, I’m perfectly healthy.
I don’t think I will ever know how this happened and honestly, at this point, I am not especially concerned about the how, just the fix. If you look at it objectively, if they don’t know the source of the swelling of my optic nerves, there is no way to put treatments in place to prevent the same thing from occurring. But day-to-day, I suppose because I have been poked and prodded to all negative results, I don’t worry about it happening again.
Until my eyes ache. For you see, this was the only symptom I had with my vision loss.
My current eye soreness can be explained. My seasonal allergies make my peepers itch badly, and although I know you aren’t supposed to, I rub them. Hard. And though I know the cause is self-inflicted by way of histamines, I experience that pain and my stomach does a flip.
The scary part isn’t so much Is it happening again? as it is the memory of the worst days of my life. That ache behind my eyes reminds me of a time that I just want to forget.
Our senses transport us to our past all the time. I walk into a CVS and with my first inhale of its unique smell I think of my mom who loved that store. How is it that all locations, in different states, have that same odor??? Big & Rich’s Lost In This Moment puts me in our rental car in Arizona, in 2007, during our first vacation to the state. The taste of New England clam chowder makes me crave the best version I’ve ever had, at a marina cafe in California.
I never knew, though, that a physical hurt could return you to a place and time until I lost my vision. I may no longer have my full sight, but once there, I see it all so clearly.
