Although no longer in corporate America, many of the behaviors I employed during that chapter of my life are still a part of my daily routine. Truth be told, they have been with me since childhood: to-do lists, self-imposed deadlines, planning and organizing.
What I have found, however, is that my work these days is of a much more creative nature and not so easily completed as tasks with a more logical bend. Finding inspiration is organic, with no quantifiable steps to get the job done. And for someone who lives and dies by her lists, well, I’m surprised there isn’t more brain damage than my optic nerves as a result of the War of the Right and Left Brain. Unlike “workout”, “schedule dentist appt” or “research public relations firms”, writing an essay or speech requires an idea and mental stimulation. For me, when I have that combination, or it has me, really, it flows effortlessly. But some days, despite it being on the to-do list, nothing comes. And that makes for a very long day, hours of feeling unsettled by unfinished business.
I never thought much about the creative process until I found writing to be my full-time job. The word “process” is misleading; no systematic approach exists for me when it comes to a blank screen filling up with words. Learning to maneuver between driven, rigid expectations I have set for myself and a daily creative endeavor is a challenge every single day. It’s needing to bake a cake for a birthday party that night but having none of the ingredients at your disposal or even a recipe.
If we are lucky we get to explore all different aspects of ourselves. Some fit quite nicely and stay, while others don’t feel right from the moment we try them. And sometimes, the new part and the old part of you have to come together so you can be every bit of who you are. Living my life since my vision loss has been an exercise in this every moment that I’m awake. But in regard to my writing, it’s more of an internal condition than a consequence of my sight situation: Type A personality has an artistic side.
No matter how much you and I struggle with our contrasting personality traits, we must find a way to not just coexist but let them all thrive. And if we really think about it, I’ll bet we can find a connection. Look at me: The Great List Maker. If a list isn’t creative writing, I don’t know what is.
