I have never had a colonoscopy, instead I have done Cologuard testing. My primary care physician, who is very conservative, approves of this practice. I am not afraid of a colonoscopy, but if I can do this testing instead, that is what I choose.
I won’t go into the details but basically you do the deed in a container that looks like a small plastic trash can, then you dump in a liquid they provide, seal it up and ship it off. There is also a small vial whose cap that when unscrewed reveals a thin brush (think eyebrow spoolie) attached to the cap that you must stick in the sample you have collected, then return it to the vial, closing it tight.
It is as easy as going to the bathroom.
Unless you have no depth perception.
More than enough said.
I will now march myself into the local UPS store with my discreet* box, avoiding eye contact with the person behind the counter, which is easy to do when you can’t really see their face.
Life can be a series of indignities. All we can do is take care of our business, keep our heads down and wash our hands like Meryl Streep in Silkwood.
* The box is so not discreet that even a visually impaired person can see what it says.
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