My eyes have been itching so badly due to allergies that I wanted to pop them out, lick them and put them back in. Rather than going to Philadelphia to one of my physicians there, I returned to the practice close to my home where I went prior to my vision loss, when nearsightedness was my only optic issue.
Sitting in the waiting room it was difficult not to think about the last time I was there, the morning my first eye went blind in 2012. I made an emergency appointment then, my eye doctor examining me and deeming my eyes perfectly healthy. He did, however, recommend that I see a neurologist, having identified that my optic nerves were swollen. I didn’t know it then but he suspected I had multiple sclerosis. He made an appointment for me with a neurologist for the following day but the next morning my second eye was blind, prompting us to go to the hospital emergency room instead.
As I sat there in present time, I found myself closing my right eye, duplicating total darkness. Of course back then my left eye was still fully functional and today it is not, so replicating my sight that morning over a decade ago is not possible. But when I realized what I was doing, closing the right eye, it surprised me. It was an unconscious action, but when I became aware I was doing it, it made perfect sense. You can’t always outrun your past, especially when you’re sitting in it.
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