We all have had to put the past behind us in order to move on with a new normal. Seven years since my vision loss, I have realized that even when we stop looking back and focus on the future, what came before is still with us. The distance between then and now will increase with the passage of time but it’s always there.
Yesterday morning I was telling someone about testing I’m having done at Wills Eye Hospital, how I am hopeful that someday my sight will be restored, that I will pursue all avenues to that end, but I live my life as if my sight will always be as it is now. A few hours later, I tried something I hadn’t done since I woke up blind, something I used to be a whiz at. And it was damn near impossible given my inability to see very well. As in all things, I was a determined trooper, knowing going in it wouldn’t be easy but grateful there was a potential option for me to return to this activity. The result was soul-crushing. I’ve lived without it for seven years but to have it within reach then have it slip away was painful. I cried.
You can put the past behind you and I have learned, for the most part, to do just that But it will still be with me for the rest of my life.