No Buublegum And A Paperclip, Just Old Age And A Colon

A padded envelope arrived for me in the mail this week. Some might argue it should have been a padded van, so sorry to disappoint. I was not expecting anything and I certainly could not have anticipated its contents:


Turns out they call it “FIT” for short. I am all for screening for colon cancer. I am due for my first colonoscopy based on my age and I have heard the assurances of friends that the worst part is the prep, followed by horrendous stories of that very portion of the exam. Some say the actual oscopy of the colon is the best sleep they’ve ever had. But I took this party in an envelope to be an alternative to a colonoscopy, unless, of course, something abnormal is detected in the results of this test. Upon reading the instructions, I may have a bit of a challenge in obtaining the sample due to depth perception issues and general crappy vision. Too good to pass up. But I will figure it out.

The letter enclosed was sent by my health insurance provider in conjunction with my primary care physician. My mom-in-law goes to the same doctor so I sent her a text asking if she had received the test as well and she replied that she had. And it was at that moment that I realized that I am now in an age group with my husband’s mother! That felt as good as a camera going up my behind without Propofol. Just Beat It AARP!

Collecting your own poop out of the toilet bowl using some heavy tissue paper and a thin, short stick a la MacGyver may be weird but falling into ANY age demographic with a parent is the strangest of it all.


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