I’m one of those people who really takes good care of things and as a result they last a long time. I remember my mom saying this about me to others, how toys I outgrew looked like new even after countless hours of play.
Last week I unpacked my hiking boots for the winter due to cold temperatures and snow and ice accumulation. I knew when I put the shoes away last spring that in 2017 it would be time to get a new pair. The receipt was still in the box: I purchased them at L.L. Bean in April of 2007!!! They have been deep in the red dirt of Sedona and Monument Valley, a hot air balloon basket over Sedona, the trails of the Grand Canyon, the snow in Flagstaff, the footpaths on Mt. Rainier and the turf of CenturyLink Field.
Today I had my lady parts checked by a medical professional for the first time in seven years. This is the polar opposite of taking good care of things, isn’t it? I remember my mom admonishing me as she was dying of gallbladder cancer to “take care of yourself”. She was not one to go to the doctor although she saw a cardiologist regularly after her heart attack ten years before her death. Then, of course, oncologists and neurologists when the cancer metastasisized to her nec.k. The implication of her warning was that had she gotten annual exams the insidious disease could have been thwarted at its inception. I promised her that I would, a pledge commissioned to assure her I would be okay, with the unspoken qualifier, “when she was gone”.
Through her illness and death, the focus was on her and my broken heart, respectively. I had not even begun to process her being sick and dying when I lost my vision. Poked and prodded and tested within an inch of my sanity, further medical examinations were the last thing I wanted to go through. Adapting to my new, dark life took all the energy I had and a year later my husband was struck by a virus, causing congestive heart failure at the age of 46.
Excuses? Absolutely. The truth? Entirely.
A ten-year-old pair of boots, the tread just beginning to wear and holes appearing inside the right and the left. I take care of my things and this footwear has logged the miles to prove it. Mom always sounded proud when she spoke to others of my respect and care for the items in my life. I hope that today she is proud of me for my respect and care for myself.