During the 3 years I was searching for a job, I never lost my confidence. Honestly, it never waivered. Without sounding too terrible, I believe that I am very good at what I do and have a lot to offer. I never could understand when I wouldn’t get a job after interviewing because I really felt that I could do so much for a company. I promise you I didn’t wear that confidence like my business suit on an interview, but I wore it underneath, like a belt or knee highs.
Now, I have never felt so shaken in my faith in my abilities in my life! It’s as if I went from the pinnacle of my career at the job I had before we all lost our jobs when our company closed to feeling like a dummy 3 years later in my new job.
Several of my new co-workers aren’t helping the situation but at the end of the day if you don’t believe in yourself who will? I am working hard at not letting my worry show but I really find myself wondering if I can do this job. To have it in my head let alone put it in writing is so not me and oh-so-scary in itself.
I thought when I finally got a job things would all fall into place. Our money worries would be on the way to over and the fact that I was able to land a job in my field — which was my priority all along — was a cause for celebration and gratefulness.
Never did I think I’d feel so uncomfortable and so unsure. I have my health and friends and family who love me but it is nothing short of amazing how this job loss that I endured still continues to chip away at my heart and soul. I have to be the Sister Rain who never doubted herself during the job search and take her to the office with me tomorrow. Maybe I can even get her to buy me coffee.