I am often asked what can I see? In this post, I will do my best to describe it to you.
The first thing I will say is that prior to my vision loss, from the age of 14, I wore glasses for mild nearsightedness, then eventually contact lenses. To this day, my eyes are in good shape. My optic nerves are the issue. They became inflamed, resulting in total blindness for a few weeks. When the swelling went down, I was left with damaged optic nerves, gray where they should be pink. We still don’t know the cause of my optic neuropathy.
My acuity is 20/400 in my left eye, my “good” eye. This means that what someone with 20/20 vision sees at 400 feet, I see at 20 feet. That is deceiving because even if I do “see” it, there is no detail. My right eye has a dense central scotoma (a blind spot in the middle) making acuity in this eye difficult to determine. If I close my good eye, my left eye, I have very little usable vision with the blind spot in my right. As you can imagine, this makes me extremely protective of my left eye.
Most people think my vision is blurry but it’s not. Instead, I have visual snow. It’s not moving but it looks like static on an old TV set. This would be a good place to explain my anatomical issue. Think of your brain as the outlet in the wall, your optic nerves the power cord, your eyes the TV. My power cord is damaged and cannot send the correct signal from my brain to my eyes.
I don’t really see color except certain shades of blue. It’s not black and white, the only way I know how to explain it is that because I never perceive full light, the colors are not discernible. It’s always as if the lights are dimmed, inside or out. Also, the visual snow creates a barrier, a covering of sorts, that block color.
My depth perception is very poor. My vision and my brain play tricks on me. I may know it’s a curb but what I’m seeing tells me it’s flat. Conversely, if you tell me it’s a flat pavement it can look like a curb to me.
If you’re sitting across a table from me, I won’t be able to see your face. Nor can I see my own face in a mirror unless it’s the highest magnification with a light and if I’m able to hold the mirror right up to my eyes. Even then I am unable to see detail. For instance, I can’t pluck my eyebrows. Also I can only see a small portion of my face at a time given the high degree of magnification.
Going out to eat is an adventure. I can’t read a menu unless I pull it up on my iPhone and even then it can be a challenge depending on the menu’s font style and colors. I try to look at the menu at home on my large iPad ahead of time. You’d be surprised though how often what’s online doesn’t match the establishment’s current fare. The discrepancies can be so great that I often think I’ve looked up the wrong eatery. When the food is delivered, it’s a game. I can’t see what’s on my plate. I know what I’ve ordered, of course, so that helps with identification but I have no idea what is where on my dish. Salads are a real trip, each mouthful is a surprise.
I have the font set at its biggest and boldest on my iPhone and my iPad, both devices are the large size models. The large iPad has been a life saver for me. I no longer use a laptop or desktop because of my impairment, I do everything on my tablet. I always hold either device close to my eyes. I can see things on my iPad much better than in real life. Pictures displayed on my tablet allow me to view people, places and things in a way that I cannot see otherwise. Pinch-to-enlarge is my very best friend. Watching a television is difficult despite sitting close to it. My husband describes things and reads any onscreen text. Watching programs on my iPad, holding it close to my eyes, is much more seeable. That, of course, is a relative statement.
I have a large video magnifier that allows me to change the font size, font color and background color of any written material. It’s rather large and though I am grateful for it, it’s stationery so I am not able to read a book in bed or on the couch. I can, however, read some eBooks on my tablet, depending on the platform. Kindle does not allow me to enlarge the font to the size I need. There will be a future post about this problem. A black background with white font is the best for me – it’s all about contrast.
Anything that will fit under its monitor can be viewed via the large magnifier. Photos if they’re smaller than 8″ x 10″, any larger and I am only able to see parts of the image because the magnification is so high. I use this machine to cut my fingernails. Forget about my toenails, although I have attempted to contort myself to get my foot under the camera of the machine. It was not a success. Enter pedicures into my life, a new experience post vision loss. It’s odd to not be able to look down and see my toes.
To give you perspective, I can read a 72 font if it’s 6” or less from my eyes.
If I need to read something – a letter, prescription bottle, cooking instructions on a box – I’ll take a picture and enlarge it on my iPhone or iPad.
I am unable to see if I write something with a pen or pencil, although I do write out cards and envelopes by muscle memory. I could get out my video magnifier but that’s a whole other explanation for another day as to why I usually don’t. Sharpies are great for when I’m taking notes on a call. I write very large, only a few words on a page, then type them up later for viewing on my phone or tablet.
Neither glasses nor contacts improve my sight.
If you continue to visit Sister Rain, and I hope you will, you’ll read how I do things now with very limited vision. I will say here though, that I can no longer drive and that is something that I miss every day. Every. Day. Before the loss of my sight I was a corporate meeting manager, leading a team in the planning and execution on-site (“irony” is my middle name). My career took me all over the country as well as to Europe.
I hope this helps you to get a sense of what I see and what I don’t. You can pick up your ophthalmologist diploma on your way out. After this post, you’ve earned it. Oh, you’re going to need a few frames for that certificate. 72 font, my students. 72 font.
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