My three dearest girlfriends are all away for business, managing meetings for their companies. None of them are dedicated meeting planners, but as is often the case, they find themselves in that role as needed.
I have grieved for my career as a corporate meeting planner and I think of it often. A physical ache still comes over me when we drive past the airport, once as familiar to me as my own home. But I have come to realize that although I don’t yet know the specifics, my future is not in the past, and whatever my next move is, it will relate to the loss of my vision and others going through the same thing.
And yet, today, the fact that all three of these women are doing what I once loved, is a very strange feeling. Although I can picture each of them at their respective hotels and conference areas, and intersperse memories of myself doing the same, I cannot place myself there today. It could be because I only see myself with my limited sight or the fact that so much has happened since the last meeting I managed that I simply am not the same person. The tug at my heart belongs to the old me as the new Sister Rain misses it on her behalf. It’s confusing, I know, as I am pulled back to straddle the line of demarcation that separates my before and after.
I was damn good at my job and I loved it. Sure it had its hassles but most days I breathed that rarefied airport/airplane/hotel air of someone who knew they were doing exactly what they should be. And maybe that’s what I miss the most. Not the job itself, but the complete and absolute knowledge that I was doing what I was meant to do.
They say there are no coincidences. All three of my girls away at the same time doing meetings. It’s definitely weird but it’s not tearing me up as I thought it might. I used to want my life back more than anything. Now I desperately want my life forward.