We have all heard that our lives may pass before our eyes when faced with our death. This life review is depicted in books and movies when a character is staring at the business end of a gun or being viciously attacked. It always seems to occur when danger is present and demise imminent.
I have experienced a pared down version of this, snapshots of my years (think 3×5 versus 11×14) and it wasn’t in the ambulance to Philadelphia the night my world went dark. It was the last 36 hours after I received a phone call that something abnormal had shown up in my annual mammogram. Further testing has been done and all is fine but the last two days have been so scary. It may seem extreme to be so frightened by a questionable mammogram result but the cumulative fear factor of the last four years with my and my husband’s health issues and the loss of my mom and my father-in-law adds up to AFRAID when new medical challenges arise.
Trying to remain calm and not get too far ahead of myself was not a successful endeavor and I did find myself reflecting on my past. But what I thought about most was what I still have left to do, not what I have already done. For someone who has struggled to uncover the rest of her life since the loss of her vision, this was a revelation in itself. I didn’t see what the remainder looked like but I know there are empty frames waiting for life images I still have ahead. I am aware that 3D mammography picks up everything but I didn’t expect it to show me this. Maybe, just maybe, the torturous last two days were worth it. Not to mention the celebratory cocktails after the good news was dispensed.
Too soon? Probably. But I’ve got the rest of my life to laugh about it.
