Looking Back Through Blue-Colored Glasses

I began wearing glasses for nearsightedness in junior high and progressed to contacts in my early 20s. Since my vision loss, I don’t use any type of lenses because there is no prescription that will help me see better.

I do wear special non-prescription blue-tinted sunglasses when out in the sun. They protect my eyes from the harmful UV rays and also help with glare. Normal sunglasses in gray or brown make things too dark for me. From a light perspective, for me it’s always as if the lights are off or as if I’m wearing a pair of dark sunglasses.

Sometimes when I put the sunglasses on I get a weird feeling and my stomach drops. Apparently my body remembers when I would put my prescription glasses on, before my optic nerves went flooey, and it expects my vision to be clear when I slip on a pair of glasses. After three and a half years, my subconscious is presuming that the lenses will perfect my sight. It is a strange feeling when you’re not even aware at first why your body is revolting. The first few times it happened I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

I guess it’s a muscle memory of sorts. It happened to me today. Sunglasses on, they don’t improve my sight, stomach drops, something is wrong, oh, the glasses didn’t help me see any better. It’s weird every time.

Its been difficult to let go of the past when I was fully sighted but I don’t beat myself up as much now when I compare my before and after life, because my body and my subconscious remember. And that drop in my stomach tells me they miss it, too.


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